Effective Optical Cleaning For When Your Parents V - [website] Published: 22nd of Jul 2011 by: Ms Knowitall
You just get off the phone with your mom; she’s on the way to your house with your dad a day early from their holiday...
... and she wants to stop in to say hello. You tentatively look around, fearing the worst but hoping for the best, and are not surprised to find the house in the same state it was last night when you went to bed – resembling ground zero.
There’s about 45 minutes until they arrive, give or take a few, and there’s no way you can get the house clean in that time without a ten-man team. But you are a woman of action, a go-getter, someone who does not take no for an answer, and so you banish these thoughts from your head and get cracking. Besides, it’ll all be worth it if you can get this over with without mom oh-so-sweetly suggesting it would be wiser for you to move back home as you’re obviously not handling it well.
So within seconds of throwing the phone back on the hook you spring into action and head straight for the kitchen, closing and locking the doors of any rooms that don’t have to be seen during their visit – time is of the essence, after all, and you need to focus on what’s instantly visible.
You enter the kitchen and immediately resolve to stop this madness, phone mom back and tell her that it really won’t be possible for her to come right now. The thing is you know she’d only come anyway and then you’d never live it down. So you muster all the strength you posses, roll up your sleeves, take a deep breath and walk on.
“It’s all about appearances,” you muse as you hurriedly stash all the plates and cups and bowls and spoons into the dishwasher, paying no attention to whether they are dirty or clean and not noticing the odd tea towel or placemat that finds its way into the machine.
“My house just needs to ‘appear’ clean for half an hour while mom’s here, that’s all,” you tell yourself between breaths as you blow the morning’s toast crumbs from the table. “Oh why does she have to come NOW?”
With all the cups, plates and bowls neatly hidden away and the kitchen sides all clear you start to feel a little less panicky (but still peer out the window at any noise that even remotely resembles that of a car), and manage to sweep up the dirt on the floor (straight out the back door, mind you) in record time.
You take one last appraising look around the kitchen before entering the nightmare known only as the living room.
There are clothes on the couch, more cups on the table and a general scene of disarray before you. But still you persevere. You begin by collecting all the cups; these you hide behind books, stash one or two in the fish tank and decoratively disguise a few more as sweet containers, filling them with the Mint Imperials you keep by your side.
Next you begin straightening the couch covers, the magazines on the table and the pictures on the wall.
You hear a car pull into the driveway and curse your mom’s unerring punctuality. How on earth are you going to get rid of the clothes that Sammy – the world’s naughtiest Chihuahua – pulled from the ironing basket before they knock on the door?
You catch a glimpse of your parents headed up the path, probably arguing about whose turn it is to make supper, and have a wave of brilliance just in time. You snatch up the creased clothing and unzip the cushions on the couch, filling them with the last thing your mom could possibly comment on, and feel a smug satisfaction as you look around your neat little home just as the doorbell rings.
“Hi, mom! Dad! So good to see you!” you say as you usher them inside.
“My, dear, why ever do you look so flustered?” she asks, pointing out how red you are in the face.
“Just excited to see you, mom!” you smoothly lie.
You offer them coffee and ask them to have a seat, hoping they don’t question your recently acquired, and quite odd, ornamentation in the fish tank.
They don’t, and the rest of their visit passes by without any further hiccups. Well, except for the comment about the lumpy cushions, but to that you just smiled.
